I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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