if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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