you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Randomize
