I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize