I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
