i permit you to call me
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
