doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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