Ambien. No doubt about it.
You can't motorboat a personality
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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