I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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