john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
