the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
