This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
