pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
