Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
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