I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
