Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
