Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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