im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
