If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
