She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
