It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
