ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
