he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
