Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
