I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm bleeding and have questions
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
