chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
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Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
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When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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