her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
