Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
