and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
handjob tips. give me some.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
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I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
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She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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