you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
