Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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