ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
We're too hungover to prance.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
