your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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