Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
