Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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