Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
