we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
