Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
