just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
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Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
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The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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