My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize