I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
