I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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