just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
