its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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