my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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