he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
