Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
