if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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