You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
