just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
