I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
