She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
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