I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I got inside last night via doggy door
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
