If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
