I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
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pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize