I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
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