I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
