I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
