I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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