That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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