...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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