do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
